LORD PLease Help Me

I am totally wanting to just break down and cry.  It is now 8am  and Micah is sitting in the front room and not caring he has missed his bus.  The Psychiatrist told me let him walk and be responsible for his own actions.  It is now 2 minutes after 8 and he is still here looking for a sweat shirt.  He has been up since 6:30 and now on purpose missed his bus.  All his coats and sweat shirts are at school.  Right where he has left them.  He makes my life a living hell in the morning.
     I hate adhd and abandonment disorder.  He has now totally destroyed his 3rd set of beds this year.  He is out the door but to where I do not know.  If the bus has left he needs to walk to school.  He does not like himself and the people who have hurt him so much he says nothing to just takes it out on me.  His Dad grandparents took him all the time when he was little right up to when his dad married fatty patty mayonnaise according to Micah his grandparents did not want him after Aunt Anne had her babies and my mom he says only wants her boyfriends or girlfriend whichever it is at the time.  I love Micah with all that is in me but it hurts to have to go through this day after day.
     I am not rich and he destroys things then I am the one who has to put it back the way it should be.  Dad calls and says he will come and of course he is a no show so Micah in pain lashes out at the house and his siblings.  I just wish people would understand what they do to their kids when they act in this manner.
     I pray each day that I will not only live but remain healthy physically and mentally to raise these kids.  Where would they go if my life as it is will cease.  Not one of the three youngest have Dad's that want them  . Well Chaim's dad is deceased so he can not help that.  We  all know Michele could never raise them nor is she up to the challenge. 
   I would love to have a partner to love me help me with the house and the kids but this is very doubtful and no man wants to put up with this or can understand these kids and their needs. I get frustrated because i just can not keep up with all the work it takes to clean this house and with all the things that need to be done.
     I need lots of prayers and just encouragement because this is a very difficult task I am undertaking.